I’ll always remember the exercise on forgiveness I learned at a Tony Robbins event, since this taught me the most basic rules of self-healing; learning to let go of grudges and resentment towards situations and relationships with others. At the time, it felt a little uncomfortable because forgiving someone who’d hurt me was a way of letting them off the hook. Surely they had gotten away with it, and why should they get away with what THEY had done to me?

Too often in the past I didn’t take responsibility for my feelings, choosing to take on others people’s baggage as they tried to control how I felt. I did this in several ways:

• Putting up with emotional bullying and manipulation.
• Being influenced by the judgements people made about me.
• Taking on the feelings and opinions other people had about me and the person they perceived me to be.

As a result, I tried to change myself to please everyone else, which was rather exhausting!

When we judge other people in a negative way, we’re judging ourselves. When we talk badly of people, we’re shifting responsibility of the feelings we hold for ourselves on to others. When we feel the need to put other people down, we unconsciously see something in them that we don’t like in our self. We can choose whether to take on opinions, criticisms and judgments — or not.

The great news is that if we can take back control over how we feel and take appropriate action, we get to be in control our own life. WOW!

Having been overweight for the better part of 20 years (another thing people had an opinion about), I feel fortunate that I’ve been able to apply this valuable knowledge to my life, because it’s been critical to my own evolution. I have been able to release the struggle I had about trying to be the perfect person to everyone else, when in fact it was them who needed to change. Knowing that I had control over my feelings allowed me to get to know myself and begin to love who I was. This had a positive impact on my self-esteem and self-worth, and the weight loss followed. The feeling of liberation after letting go is a precious gift for you to allow yourself any time.

If someone annoys or upsets you, do you smoke a cigarette, eat some chocolate, drink a bottle of wine, spend money on something expensive? No one can change the way you feel about yourself long term, so if you have low self-esteem and self-confidence you won’t get long-term results immersing into people, food, drugs, alcohol. It only prolongs the problem or makes it worse.

This may sound easier said than done, since it’s so easy to blame everyone else for the way you feel! But when you learn to take control of your thoughts and emotions, you gain strength. People treat you differently and respect you more.

If you get caught up in other people’s stuff, remember these tips:

• You can walk away at any time.
• You can immerse yourself in doing something you love which gives you great pleasure.
• You can let go of the relationships with people who are no longer good for you.
• You can re-frame your thoughts in to positive ones.
• You can say YES or NO to anyone at any time.
• You can read a book that’s nourishing to your soul.
• You can take action.

Here is a technique for you to follow if you need to let go of an unhealthy relationship:

• Write a list of all the reasons why you have to have this person in your life.
• Write out all the things they have done to upset or hurt you.
• Close your eyes and imagine a movie screen in front of you.
• One after the other, play out all the unpleasant memories you have connected to this person. Notice all the negative things they have said or done to you.
• Keep on playing the memories over and over until you get bored.
• To change the feelings you have against the memories, re-play the memories backwards, one after the other.

Good luck with your new lease of life!

In my rollercoaster, yo yo dieting past, I would often starve myself of all the things I enjoyed. I would follow the rules of an eating plan, making a promise to myself that I would  triumph this time, only to disappoint myself again and again. Eventually I got so exhausted with constant let-downs, I decided to do some research.  During my personal journey, I discovered many things about weight loss, fad diets, nutrition, thought patterns, eating behaviours and most importantly about the unconscious mind. I discovered many amazing secrets which is what led me to the work I do now.

You may be reading this and able to identify with my story, or you may be unsure of what is causing your detrimental behaviour. Perhaps you know that something is wrong but you don’t know where to start……these next steps will get you on the right track.

When you have a craving or feel the need to binge, take a moment to stop and think. You may have feelings of excitement running through you like adrenaline at the thought of having a binge or pigging out, or it might feel like an overwhelming urge to have something immediately. Maybe you are stressed or someone has said something to upset you. It’s important to understand what your triggers are so you can bring them in to your awareness.

Awareness is key to understanding your motivations to over eat. When you stop to notice your behaviour, you are no longer in a trance and have full control over what you do next.

Step 1

Write down the sensations or visual images you get when your cravings start. These could be feelings of excitement, boredom, unhappiness, stress, sadness, overwhelm, excitement, loss….the emotions will be individual to you so it’s important you keep a record. If you feel the need to go ahead and fulfil the craving then do it so you are ready for step two.

Step 2

Notice how you feel 30 minutes after you have eaten; the sensations in your body, the thoughts going round your head, the feelings you have. Write them all out. Doing this will get you more in touch with the emotions you have after the overeating has taken place to help you rationalise in the future. It is common in most overweight people or binge eaters that they cannot register with how they will feel after the event has taken place. But the more in touch you are with your mind and body, the more likely you will gain control.

Your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imaginary so this next technique is useful when you feel a crave coming on:

Step 3

Obviously cravings creep up quite quickly so it’s good to get familiar with this technique so you can do it any time, anywhere.

Sit in a comfortable position and take a deep breath

Notice the feelings that come in as you feel a crave coming on, you should be familiar with these if you have kept a journal previously, as suggested above.

Think about the food that you are craving and notice how you know you have a craving. Is it a sensation, a visual picture, a sound, taste or a smell? Where does it start; in your head, your stomach, your chest?

How big, loud or overwhelming is the sensation?

Put the sound, smell, taste or visual image to one side in your minds eye and now think of something that makes you feel disgusted at the thought of eating or a taste you don’t like.

Think of something that makes you squirm at the thought of consuming. What type of food is it and where do you notice it in your minds eye? Is it big, small, colourful, to the left or right of you? Does it come up in the same place as the food that tastes pleasant?

Now bring up the food that you were previously craving and bring the sound, taste, smell or visual image in line with the food that you don’t want to eat. Mix them up together remembering how the disgusting and horrible the food tasted, looked like, smelt like. Make the taste and smell stronger, brighter, louder, bigger!

As you bring the two images, sensations, smells or sounds together, you are in a sense diluting the feeling of the food you were craving, with feelings of the food you don’t want. If you practice this enough you will begin to have more control and lessen your cravings for the foods that are detrimental to your well being.

This technique should be practised daily to be effective. However having a simple awareness of your behaviours is a huge step to unravelling your detrimental eating habits.
For more information on the many other secrets I discovered,  sign up for my FREE report on the 6 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Trying to Lose Weight.

Click on the link below:
www.helpwithweightloss.co.uk

Often we associate all the things outside of ourselves as a doorway to our happiness. We are surrounded by expensive and materialistic objects and possessions. We are enticed by delicious foods and very much associate eating with pleasure. There is also the less healthier side such as alcohol, drugs and smoking which help us through the good times and the bad. If you have ever been addicted to something you will be familiar with that feeling of not being in control. When you get the craving it can seem as if you are in a trance, something else is taking over your body.

I was in the doctors surgery yesterday which I don’t go to very often at all (just a minor prescription), I couldn’t help but notice the fear bellowing off the walls from all the warning posters about negative ailments and diseases and how to NOT to catch them. Already the thought has been planted in people’s head! I felt a real sense of disharmony and quite overwhelmed with it! In addition, there were 3 men talking between them about their unfortunate lives involving needle sharing, addictions and loss. They were talking about their health problems as though there was nothing else to talk about!

We are surrounded every day by fear coming from many different channels; the government, the media and even the doctors surgeries. Just because there is a large portal of this information coming through, there is no need to necessarily believe and live by it. A person who makes the decision to follow the gullible crowd and live in fear for the rest of their life will continue to do so. The person who believes they have choice and can turn in a different direction from the masses, can have a much greater impact positively influencing themselves and those around them.

Dark can very much turn to light but in order to achieve this you have to make an effort and invest in yourself. Whether it’s with a book, reading stuff off the internet, writing, or seeking help from a professional. If you are a naturally negative thinker or feel like a victim, remember that there is always a choice to how you feel. You can make a decision to think differently, the bad thoughts and feelings don’t have to be with you forever. I am not saying it will happen overnight, but you have to start somewhere.

Instead of telling everyone your problems, talk about what went well yesterday, or last week. If you are defaulted to noticing all the things that go wrong during the day, make a conscious effort to notice the things that go right too. You will be surprised, even if it’s something simple like getting through two sets of green traffic lights on a busy cross roads! Be thankful for that. A simple re-framing of thoughts has a powerful impact. Like a muscle, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

A good start to training yourself to think more optimistically is to ensure you are doing something in your daily life that you love to do. This lessens your need to look to your environment or other people to seek out a happier self.

Make a list of the things you used to love to do. If you can’t think of anything presently, what about when you were in your younger years? What brought you absolute joy as a child? When was the last time you can remember being happy? What happened?
If you could have that dream job, what would it be doing?

Also for the next month; write a daily list of all the good things that happened as you went about your day. Perhaps someone made you a cup of tea without asking you, or someone smiled at you in the street. Commit to doing this for a whole month and you will be slowly working your mind towards more positive thoughts.

Good luck!

Did you know that you have a choice in all that you do and have complete control over how you feel? To some that may seem confusing and ridiculous, to other’s it makes a lot of sense, however you may be trapped by your own restrictive challenges due to the anxiety you carry around.

There are many different extremes to anxiety, and most people have suffered with it at some point in their life, however for others it can be hugely destructive to their every-day life. You may find that you go over past events repetitively, often getting flash backs and re-living the adrenaline rush or sensations in your body. You may find that your emotions switch as though you are there at that same time and place, reliving the nightmare.

Anxiety is driven by fear and triggered by the blueprint of past experiences which your body has learnt to process in a certain way. How often do you find yourself regurgitating the past? Do you feel stressed at the thought of doing something that would normally be simple in every day life? Most importantly what has anxiety stopped you from doing?

If you have suffered from a traumatic event or an event that caused you stress and was difficult to process, your body and mind will have made a recorded memory of exactly what was happening in your body at the time. And in your every-day life, the smallest situations could cause exactly the same response but in completely different circumstances. For example when you’re at the work and under stress your body produces adrenaline, you then go into a panic attack or have sensations of anxiety.

There is no over-night fix to eliminating anxiety straight away, it took me a few years to unlearn some of the responses my body had to things that had happened in the past. The most important thing to remember is that you can work on changing how you feel, and anxiety is definitely not something you have to live with for the rest of your life.

I’ve worked with clients who’ve had anxiety and their main challenge is being able to commit to the things I ask them to do. Unless you can take responsibility for your life and your actions, you will find that you are putting up with this challenge for far longer than you need to. However it’s not going to be miracles over night, but baby steps taking you towards a bigger over-all goal.

Here are some tips on how to overcome anxiety challenges:

1. Take responsibility for yourself and your life. Many people like to tell everyone their “story”, they use their story as something to hide behind, an excuse not to get out of bed in the morning, a reason they don’t go for a walk or socialise, the result of not achieving in life. Although I have the greatest empathy (as someone who has been there too), it’s not going to help you in the long term! Living your life as a victim means you are restricting opportunities and giving yourself limitations. By removing the very boundaries you put in place, you give yourself a chance for a happier future and not confined by the chains of anxiety.
2. Meditation/Relaxation are hugely fundamental in being in control of your own mind. If you are constantly worrying about the future and re-living the past, how can you ever be present and notice what is going on around you right now? Take some time to sink back inside yourself, play a nice recorded journey or some music if you don’t like the thought of silence. Notice any emotions or resistance and ask yourself why you feel a particular emotion or resistance. Ask your body questions and it will answer you, listen carefully.
3. Write a journal. Depending on the level of anxiety you have, writing a journal is a really good way of monitoring your behaviour. You will most likely be so engrossed in fear and the possibilities and eventualities of the future; you don’t even recognise your own behavioural patterns. Write down your feelings, notice when you don’t do something, but don’t beat yourself up about it. Just be aware of what comes up and set small achievable goals to overcome any obstacles you face in your daily life.
4. Be aware that caffeine, sugar, alcohol, cigarettes and drugs can exaggerate anxiety. Although many people turn to these to suppress their emotions, they only cause you to feel worse because they stimulate blood sugar and adrenaline, creating a high and then crash or slump. If you are particularly sensitive to feelings of anxiety, you will likely feel worse than you did before.
5. Set small manageable goals for yourself. If you feel like you are constantly going backwards, or struggling uphill, decide that you will set yourself some mini targets to achieve, even if it’s getting out of bed in the morning or taking time to relax for a few minutes every day. The most important thing is that you build on your belief so you can move away from the struggle and live a fulfilling life.

If you feel that you’re constantly drowning in on your own negative self talk, or that life is one big uphill struggle, grab a copy of my ebook where I share with you some of my most powerful tools and techniques to create a happy and more fulfilling future.

Some people can thrive in changing environments and get a real buzz from it, but many others don’t, associating much pain and anxiety to the idea of it. Change can make you feel very unsettled and scared about the future.

Sometimes we can control the change that happens around us, but sometimes the change is out of our hands. This could be a break up of a relationship, losing a job, changing your body shape, or a health related problem. Either way, change is constantly happening and we cannot always be in control of what is going on, however we can change the way we decide to respond to it.

We are all born with choice. Choice to do whatever feels right. Often intuition can guide us to make a decision, noticing the way our body feels at the thought of something specific changing. However most people rely on other people to tell them what to do, and may not even consciously be aware of it.

When you shift the responsibility of making a decision to someone else, you give your power away. They are effectively making the decision for you, and if a situation goes wrong or something doesn’t go to plan, it’s very convenient to point the finger at someone else and hold them responsible for the result, even if you don’t tell them but just think it in your head! What a great way to avoid having to face up to things! Not such a great way to live your life and if you are feeling stuck in a rut, or climbing up a steep hill, chances are you either need to change something, or stop handing the responsibility of your life to someone else.

Hiding behind someone else is not the solution to inner gratification. If you feel like you are living in the shadows of another, ask yourself what benefit it is to stay there and what would happen if you made a change. The world is so full of opportunity but many people get stuck in the same routines working like robots, however it can only be you to take control and unleash your happy future.

If the thought of change makes you feel uncomfortable, there will be a reason for this and you will need to dig a little deeper. It will be associated with a fear of something:

• Fear of rejection
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
• Fear of being attractive
• Fear of happiness
• Fear of uncertainty
• Fear of embarrassment
• Fear of dying

These are just some of the fears that we naturally hold ingrained in our subconscious mind and can be the likely culprits to us not achieving what we want. However fear is very much an illusion because when you think of doing something or taking action in some way, you often imagine the outcome in a very exaggerated visual image or feeling. But fear is there for useful reasons as well, such as trying to protect you!

My question to you is; what is it you want to change? What is stopping you? 

Stop for a moment to notice your answers. What comes up?

No doubt there will be a whole load of self talk or excuses coming at you like a tsunami, or maybe you couldn’t think of anything. Either way, these questions can be very powerful and used any time you feel like you’re not getting anywhere or you can’t seem to take the plunge or make a decision. First must be acknowledgement, then decision and action can follow.

Maybe you’re at a cross roads and don’t know which way to turn. Perhaps you feel like life is just one up-hill struggle. Or you just cannot seem to get the break you need.  All of these thoughts can be transformed into action, you just need to take more responsibility and learn to be the captain of your life.

To make this year your best yet, make magic happen! Grab a copy of my ebook for lots of great ideas on how you can really make life exciting again!

Sometimes it’s a little hard trying to keep on the right track, doing the things you love or completing a project or regime you have committed to. You’re working hard at work or on your business trying to keep on top of the bills. Socialising to keep in touch with your friends. Keeping the house/family together. Being a Mum or Dad. Carrying out your chores, and trying to keep others happy!

When you are continuously distracted, it is easy to push your own personal priorities to the back of your mind and forget about doing all the things you find great joy in because they often take a back seat over everything else! But participating in the things you are passionate about is just as important to your health and well-being as trying to keep your life and family afloat in your busy lifestyle. However when you don’t have a healthy balance between doing the things you love, and taking care of the day to day stuff, you become more stressed and unhappy as a result.

When was the last time you took some time to really think about what love to do? Who do you like to spend your time with? What do you like to learn or want to do more of? Are you happy in your career? Maybe you have some changes you want to make but are not sure where to start.

Try this exercise, you can do this with your eyes open or eyes closed:

Imagine you have a box in front of you. It’s full of all your favourite things, memories, experiences, future life, everything and anything which makes you happy. Maybe there are pictures in there of your family, your friends, an old pet, an old family seaside holiday. Your favourite hobby, favourite food, a job that you have dreamed of doing, a relationship you deeply desire….write it all out. What do you see, hear, smell or taste?

Spend a good half an hour really focussing on the things that bring you joy and make you happy. Now write them all out on a piece of paper in any order you like. This is your Box of joy!

Once you have completed the above exercise, imagine another Box, next to your Box of joy. This is your Box of current time. In this box you see your life as it is now, the people and places you spend your time seeing or going to. Your job, your family, your feelings are in there too. Maybe you can see or feel some fears in there that could be stopping you from moving ahead into your future.

• What can you see that might be stopping you from getting that job or relationship you have yearned for?
• Is there anything you would like to change about your present self or life?
• Is there something or someone you would like to spend more time with?
• What do you notice?

Now you have both your boxes in front of you; is there anything you would like to take out of your Box of joy and bring into your Box of current time? Spend some time bringing in all the things you want to add to your Box of current time and write them out onto a separate piece of paper.

• What would you add in?
• Would you take anything out of your Box of Now?
• Is there anything you want to replace or change?
• If so, what would it be?

Once you have added all the things you want to your Box of current time, make sure everything is there for you to enjoy, either presently or in the future. Imagine you are picking it up off a conveyer belt ready to be unpacked!

Doing this simple exercise allows you to take a step back and notice what’s important to you. Notice if there is anything that you need to change in order to improve your life. It allows you a chance to see things from a different perspective and re-group your inner most desires and priorities so you can live a more happier and fulfilling life!

Have you tried to lose weight in the past, but find you always go back to how you were before or bigger? Perhaps you’re so fed up with failing each time to lose weight, you’ve given up your belief in your ability as you can’t bear to let yourself down again. But every day you let yourself down because you’ve given up hope in yourself, the spark in your eyes has diminished and you feel like a useless lump. You feel guilty about what you eat and cry silently in your mind.

I know, because I have been there too. I spent 15 years of my life fighting, crying, failing hopelessly, hating myself and desperate, but there is hope and I am proof of that. To hear my story read on……

I discovered many things on my weight loss journey. Shedding weight is a very personal thing to each and every one of us and how you eventually gain control will be very different to any one else. Because you are unique.

We all have personal programmes and patterns running inside our subconscious mind which make up our habits and behaviours but also make you who you are. Although there are many quick fix solutions and diets to follow, these don’t tend to last long term if you don’t work at the deeper level. It’s important to be aware that your body and mind need time to adjust from old eating patterns to new eating patterns. The body and mind also need time to adjust to being a particular size and if it feels outside of its comfort zone i.e. vulnerable to the all seeing eyes of those who may notice you, it will often try to take you back to when it feels more comfortable. This could very well be a nice padded shield attached to you which is your excess weight. Feeling vulnerable will result in driving you towards your unique detrimental patterns of behaviour, i.e binge eating, out of character cravings, grazing and a feeling that you are missing out and wanting to make up for food that you haven’t allowed yourself to eat. Here are some tips for you which helped me in the past and I would love to share them with you……

1. Remember everything in moderation. You should avoid starving yourself of the things you love because the more you do, the more you will crave it. This craving behaviour happens to anyone who tries to lose weight by starving themselves of the things they enjoy. Many people in the days of the war would often stash their food or scoff it all at once in fear of not being fed for a long period. Either way it creates a feeling of lack in your subconscious mind and causes you to behave in ways you wouldn’t normally around food. It also causes you to see food as some kind of enemy which it certainly isn’t because you need it to survive! It’s just about making the right choices for the healthy stuff.
2.  Only do exercise that you feel good participating in, and doesn’t create a sense of dread or “I can’t be bothered”. It has been scientifically proven that the more you try to make yourself do something you don’t find pleasure in, the more likely you are guaranteed to fail. Fact!  However, if you are not used to a regular exercising regime, you need to allow your body and mind time to adjust to a new routine/habit, so give it a few weeks and if you still don’t enjoy your exercise choice, try something different. I remember walking out of a Legs, Bums and Tums class a few years ago, and decided I would never go back. I hated it, even though I kept pushing myself to go. For some reason I never felt particularly amazing after the classes so I decided to try Spinning after a friend raved on about it. After my first Spinning class I came out feeling like I wanted to die, which was great! That is exactly how I like to feel after I have exercised and I have been going now for over 5 years, at least two to three times a week (give or take the odd holiday). I now mix it up with walking, yoga and sometimes a small gym work out. I never beat myself up about not spending at least a whole hour in the gym. Go for as long as you feel you want to. Allowing just 30 minutes for a work-out is better than nothing. Also don’t presume that you have to do something vigorous, if you prefer Yoga or Pilates, they are just as effective and get you into the habit of caring about having a healthy body.
3. Avoid weighing yourself every day, or even every week. It is unreasonable to put pressure on your body like that. Let it do its natural thing and adjust over the month. I would suggest you throw away the scales – I can hear your doctor screaming at me! When I threw my scales away, it was the most liberating thing I ever did (I haven’t weighed myself for over 5 years). I still went on to lose 2 stone in 2 years, I went by how my clothes felt. Give your body time to dissolve the weight, avoid putting the pressure on as this can drive you to self sabotage if you don’t fulfil your desired weight (by the deadline you’ve given yourself).
4.  Tune into your stomach. If it’s crying out for food with hunger pains (not psychological/emotional hunger pains), let it have something to eat. You can still lose weight and be full-up, it just depends on what you eat. If you have to follow any eating regime, try to stick to low GL foods which fill you up but are healthy at the same time. I really like Patrick Holford’s approach but again, don’t get sucked into spending loads of money getting tied into promises, it’s not necessary to add additional anxiety.
5. Give yourself a chance to adjust to any new regime. Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t lose a pound in a week, know that you are doing the best you know how. The most important thing is to notice any emotional eating patterns. If you find that you constantly crave food when you’re bored, lonely, depressed, happy, guilty then you are only eating away at your emotions, and the feeling will still be there after you’ve eaten the food. It may numb any emotional pain for a brief half an hour but you could end up feeling worse after eating something which in your opinion is “baaaad” (no food is bad if it’s eaten in moderation). When you beat yourself up with guilt you are making yourself feel much worse than you did before. Forgive yourself, let it go, DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF! Instead sing a happy song and tell yourself that you are an amazing, fantastic person learning as you go (see Daily Affirmations for Self love and treat yourself to some positive self talk). We all make mistakes as that is how we learn.
6. Learn to be nice to yourself when you look in the mirror. So many times people decide that if they lose weight they will be happier, feel more sexy, have more friends/relationships, be popular, get more respect. All these things you can have at any body shape or size if you can learn to find the inner balance first. If you learn to love what is on the inside, the rest falls into place. This is a big challenge for so many people but it’s important to gain the quality that you are looking for first rather than decide to be happier, more popular, have respect, feel sexy after you lose weight. Chances are these are just things you HOPE you will have when you eventually get there. However as I mentioned previously, if you are constantly putting the weight back on then you need to look deeper within to find out what needs to change in you first.
7. Finally to uncover more about my personal story and what NOT TO DO for successful weight loss, sign up for my FREE report on the 6 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Trying to Lose Weight. Please click here.

Love <3

Create your Best Year in 2013

Did you know that success is far more attainable when you set goals compared with not setting goals? It’s important for our minds to feel a sense of growth and to be able to measure it along the way.

Do you have anything that you want to achieve for 2012 but haven’t quite fulfilled yet? Or perhaps you are celebrating all the things you have done so far this year and can look back with a sense of achievement –I always like to remind my clients to celebrate how far they have come, not how far they have left to go. Hopefully you do that too!

It’s really important for us all to achieve success in different ways as the brain loves to learn new things. This could be something simple like getting out of bed in the morning and going to work; to winning an award or qualification that brings you great satisfaction and joy. It’s never too late to TAKE ACTION and get going on anything that brings you pleasure, passion and a deep sense of fulfilment. Why spend your whole life wishing you had made a start on your own personal goals, getting swallowed up in regret later on? Perhaps there was something you wanted to achieve by the end of 2012 but something got in the way of you achieving it?

I’ve always had a feeling that I was somehow responsible for how my life unfolded but never really knew to what extent. I’d heard of the word fate but felt a little uncomfortable accepting that our entire life was mapped out for us without any flexibility in our choices. I believe we have many options throughout our life, giving us the freedom to decide which path to take, from the opportunities we create.

Over the past few years I’ve transformed my thinking, changed the beliefs that were sabotaging my own personal success and got back control of my life. I’ve built stronger foundations for my self-esteem and banished all the resentment I held against the people who hurt me (including myself), allowing me to release the emotional baggage effectively going from feelings of fear to a sense of balance.

You can change your life in the most profound ways when you learn to take control but you have to trust yourself that you can achieve it and TAKE ACTION!

On NYE of 2011 I wrote out everything I wanted to achieve for the year ahead. I personally like to do this every year so I have some focus and control over what I bring in to my life.

Using all the tools and techniques in my new Ebook, I have achieved the following so far this year:

1. I wrote my first ebook “Regain your Personal Power to Achieve Success”, and have now written a second one - Create your Perfect 2013
2. I have let go of some extra weight!
3. I have trained as a Wingwave Coach
4. I am writing a book for Amazon Kindle
5. I got myself an amazing mentor and coach, and participate in a monthly Master Mind Group so I can successfully continue to carry out all the things I want to do, with support and encouragement around me.

I highly recommend taking some time out to write some intentions for the year ahead. Even if at the moment you feel they are unachievable. It is important to TAKE ACTION, have focus and take a risk. Every great success starts with a single step and a few challenges along the way. Don’t see these as obstacles, overcome them and come back fighting!

If you find it difficult to motivate yourself, try to work out what it is that stops you from achieving your greatest desires and start by trying the following exercise:

1. Take a piece of paper and list the ideas/thoughts/feelings/actions you want to do but haven’t yet achieved.
2. Next to each one, write out what has stopped you so far or what prevents you from getting it.
3. Write out what would happen if you did not achieve what you want.
4. Write out what would happen if you did achieve what you want.

To make next year YOUR BEST YEAR YET you can TAKE ACTION now and download my new ebook - “How to Create your Perfect Year” or you can continue to sleep walk through your life feeling like a failure. The choice is very much down to you!

“Don’t put any restrictions on your dreams. If you catch yourself saying, “That would be nice, but it’s too much to ask for,” stop. Ask for it anyway! Don’t feel you have to create your dreams instantly; the first step to creating them is just putting the pictures in your mind”

~ Sanaya Roman

We all have habits, most of the time we know what our habits are, and sometimes we can rely on our friends or family to point them out to us!

How many times have you had a good intention to change something for the better? You buy the latest fitness DVD. Purchase a bulk load of nicotine patches. Promise yourself only one glass of wine which turns into a daily bottle. Or fall into a guilty pit of despair after you’ve eaten a piece of chocolate cake, which followed the piece before that!

Did you know that you only have to repeat something for up to 21 days for a habit to form in the unconscious mind? You create habits and behaviours from social circles, from childhood, your parents/guardians, the media (subliminal stimuli). Subconsciously mimicking what has been imprinted in your brain by what is going on around you and the experiences you have. A habit is formed by the unconscious mind which creates neural pathways as a result of repetition.

It took me many years to change my thinking about smoking, chocolate and wine. I used to have a glass of wine every night during the week. I smoked on my way to work, and on the way home (definitely a habit more than an addiction). I used chocolate as an emotional prop after a stressful day at work, and I couldn’t last more than 3 months in the gym! I got SO bored. When we experience pain (emotional or physical) we naturally move away from it into pleasure.

There have been many scientific studies researching into what stops people from successfully completing a goal they set out to do, and the result is that if you are forcing yourself into a lifestyle that does not resonate with you, or that you enjoy – it won’t last! There has to be a real desire to implement change, and so many people fail at new regimes because they do not congruently want the change. You may have heard someone say in the past “part of me wants this, and the other half doesn’t” yep that is absolutely right. Unless you can bring the two consciously together, you may be setting yourself up to fail before you’ve even started.

You may have struggled in the past to kick a negative habit, and you cannot understand why you keep failing at your desired outcome because you’ve cried, got angry, upset, frustrated at yourself etc.

There are several reasons for this:

• Limiting Beliefs – I can’t do that. I’m no good. I shouldn’t. There is no point because. Financial restrictions.
• Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of losing something, fear of what other people might think etc.
• Being physically addicted to something (this may require professional help)

If you are lazy or constantly making excuses as to why you can’t do something, there will be an unconscious fear or limiting belief that you are unlikely to be aware of. Procrastination is a great example if this. If you are always putting something off, it could be the thought in your mind that the task is too big. You don’t understand how to do it. You believe you will fail. Some people are so attached to their beliefs, they live a life of misery because of it.

It made me sad the other day when I was in my spinning class because one of the people I’ve gotten to know forces herself to go to the gym 4 days a week, and isn’t even enjoying it. She said to me that she will be doing it for the rest of her life because she cannot lose any weight and is scared of putting more on. What an awful way to live, carrying around that heavy belief. The sad thing is that all the time she is not enjoying the gym, the worse she is going to feel when she doesn’t go.

The GOOD NEWS is: If habits can be formed, they can also be changed and eliminated completely!

BUT

• You have to congruently want the change.
• You have to enjoy the process of doing it and avoid it being “stressful”.
• You have to believe you can do it.
• Repeat Repeat Repeat.
• Celebrate (even when it doesn’t quite go the way you want it to).

How NOT to make a life style change.

Have you ever noticed the stress that is related to mainstream dieting? They are all built on foundations of failure.

1. You are asked to eliminate the things you love – resulting in you wanting more of it, and over eating on it the next time you have it.
2. You feel hungry – adding stress to the body – and for emotional eaters, a feeling of emptiness.
3. You are expected to make a lifestyle change over night – not giving the unconscious mind a chance to adjust (this is why most people give up after a week). As a result you end up feeling worse than you did before because you feel like you’ve failed.
4. Emotional triggers are not addressed, so if you associate food with an emotion, you will find it very hard to fight those emotional patterns of behaviour.
5. You are put on a pedestal if you’re successful, bringing competitiveness into the process. This leaves other people feeling disappointed in themselves if they haven’t lost 1lb in a week.

1. Avoid taking big massive steps and break them down into tiny manageable steps so your unconscious mind can adjust to the change.
2. If your habit is attached to something i.e coffee/alcohol = cigarette; eliminate the trigger first to help abolish the craving.
3. Have your outcome in mind – what do you want to achieve from letting go of this habit. Write it out, visualise what it will be like when you get there, and keep reminding yourself why you’re doing it.
4. Avoid seeing the process as strange or out of the norm. When you congratulate yourself for doing something “right” for a whole week, the unconscious mind thinks it’s doing something abnormal, and will attempt to revert you back to the previous patterns of behaviour (relapse)
5. Don’t apply too much pressure on yourself to achieve something life changing straight away. Success is full of twists and turns. Like an aeroplane going off course, it always reaches its destination eventually. With this in mind, let go of any feelings of guilt if you go off track on the odd occasion. It is almost indefinite that you will, but it’s important that you forgive yourself and keep going.
6. Most importantly if you keep failing at something be aware that it could be a limiting belief or fear of some kind. Try to find out what this could be. If you would like help in un-ravelling or having more of an understanding about what is sabotaging you, get in touch.

Finally I have put plenty more nuggets of advice in my new ebook “How to Create your Perfect year” which is a great little tool to help you achieve success now and in the New Year.

It’s 7:00am on Monday morning and your alarm has just gone off. Do you:

a)  Fill with dread at the thought of facing the day, wishing it was the weekend again.
b)  Stretch out and feel excited about getting up and embracing the day.
c)  Move like a robot into your regular morning routine half asleep, and turn up late for work.
d)  Smile to yourself feeling deeply fulfilled and grateful for the day ahead.

So which one did you pick?

About 5 years ago I would have picked a). And about 5 years before that a). In fact for most of my working life I have always hit a cross roads of some kind. I would get bored very easily if I was not being stimulated by my job and as a result I would doubt my ability and skills sabotaging any decisions to explore something different. Most significantly I felt that it was always too late to start a new career, even in my early 20s!

My concerns were that if I started re-training it would be a long time until I was qualified and maybe by that time, I would want to be settling down having a family or going travelling. There were always excuses. I have lost count of the number of conversations I’d had with my Mother about feeling deeply uninspired and confused as to what my strengths were and where I was going in life. I found it frustrating and exhausting.

Are you able to identify with these feelings? Do you feel like you’re moving along in slow motion, watching your life dissipate into the past leaving you feeling empty and sad? Do you feel you’ve lost all sense of direction and therefore lacking control of your future?

Then what are you willing to do to change it?

Many people assume that those who have made a career or business out of doing what they love are just plain lucky, more intelligent, or have better skills and qualifications. To have this view is restricting your chances of success because you are limiting your opportunities by thinking in this way.

Each of us has an equal chance of success, but the ones who make a change, are the ones willing to push themselves out of their comfort zone and take action. They are prepared to try out something new, start again, be open to taking a risk, or face their fears and anxieties of the unknown. Many people are scared of uncertainty or don’t feel worthy enough to be given a chance. This is a negative mindset and it’s important to start by really getting to the core of what is preventing you from taking that small tiny step towards deeper fulfilment in your successful future.

If you lack confidence in your skills and ability, what can you do to improve upon them so you feel more self confident in what you have to offer? There is no need to stop at what you have, you are growing and learning each day you are alive. But what advantage is it to you to continue feeling unhappy and discontented? Life is much more satisfying and effortless when you stop fighting against it and flow with the opportunities it presents.

Having any doubt in your ability is merely a limiting belief about what you feel capable or worthy of doing. What do you need to do in order to build up your self esteem so you have conviction that you deserve to live a happy and joyous life? Is there anything getting in the way of you making this transition?

Any blockages are merely excuses as there is always a way to achieve fulfilment be it through re-training, volunteering, being around inspiring people or researching and reading on the internet. Perhaps you will need to look at your surroundings too and decide if they are for your greatest good or sabotaging your chances to succeed.

Everyone is here to make a contribution to humanity in some way, whether it’s bringing a child into the world, clearing litter from the streets or some form of care work and healing. If you are seeking out answers to which direction you should take in your life, start by being open to opportunity and doing more of what you really love!

What triggers that feeling of absolute happiness and gratification when you do it? What do you like to do that makes you feel full of vitality and aliveness? What would you be willing to do 14 hours a day with no break and wake up every morning to do it all again with a big fat smile on your face?

It’s really important to be grateful for what you have already. Look at your positive attributes and be proud of what you have achieved so far. All the time you are envious or jealous of other people’s success you are pushing away chances of your own. There is nothing that you cannot do even though you may find that hard to believe!

I have put a little exercise together to help you discover your life’s work. And to also come to realise that it is well within reach because that is what you are here to do! Anything that brings you joy is a sign that you have every opportunity to make a living from it……

Imagine you live in a world of absolute joy and abundance. Everything around you is beautiful and you feel grateful each day you wake up with a deep feeling of elation when you carry out your daily activities. Notice what activities you are carrying out as you recall this amazing feeling of elation, as you do what you love.

What skills are you using during this time such as talking, writing, negotiating, counselling, painting, walking, supporting?

What type of objects are you using; for example are you using machinery of any kind, or driving a vehicle? Are you supporting animals or people?

Write out at least 5 things you would be doing that bring you absolute happiness in your activities.

Then go on to notice how much time are you devoting to these activities each day. How many hours are you working?

Are you working with others or on your own? Do you work with the same people every day or are there different people each day?

Do you travel anywhere for your work or do you stay in one place?

What status and responsibilities do you have? Are you part of a team and is it small or large? Do you work in the city or in the countryside?

Write down anything else you can think of whilst carrying out the activities that are important to you.

As you imagine this fulfilling life, keep adding to and refining your list. You are sending messages to your unconscious mind to start thinking of in this way and going towards getting what you want. In order for you to have opportunity, you have to create it first. You create it by being open to the possibility of it happening.

Once you are open to the possibility of it happening, what are 5 actions can you take to help you move towards what you want?

For instance, could you:
Read a book or look on the internet?
Could you do some voluntary work?
Is there someone you can contact to help you set goals and intentions and support you in this transition?
Is there anything you need to let go of in order for you to achieve these things?

Once you have completed this exercise, return to your list and make a commitment to yourself to follow up any actions that you need to take to go about getting it.

To make an even quicker transition into your life’s work,  check out my new ebook “How to Create your Perfect Year”. I will share with you the greatest secrets on how to get what you want and transform your life into an exciting, fulfilling and happy future!

“All the breaks you need in life wait within your imagination. Imagination is the workshop of your mind, capable of turning mind energy into accomplishment and wealth.”

Napoleon Hill